But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. ~ C.S. Lewis
I love C.S. Lewis. I love his fiction and his prose. I love his love of eggs and a pipe and a pint. I love his humility and his humor. I’ve never particularly liked this quote. I thought it made God seem somehow mean and punitive.
I also didn’t like pain. I lean toward stoicism when it comes to physical pain, but I decided at a young age, that emotional pain should be avoided at all cost. I had no idea how costly that philosophy would prove to be.
I didn’t limit my outlook to personal suffering. I couldn’t bear to have any one else suffer either. Emotional pain, more than anything, frightened me. I took it upon myself to try to protect everyone else from it. My friend use to tell me that there were worse things than hurting. I didn’t believe it. I know now that worse than hurting, is not hurting.
I spent so long, working so hard at being ‘not broken’ that when the small cracks appeared, it only took a tap and I fractured. God, in His infinite grace, gathered the pieces together and used pain to reshape my heart. I still like it better when He whispers but I’ve learned to listen closely when He shouts.