Anger

My anger protected me for only a short time; anger wearies itself out and truth comes in. ~ C.S. Lewis

Anger frightens me. I’m comfortable with guilt and hurt. Anger has always been my unacceptable emotion. When I experience it, when I get angry, it’s like drowning. I can feel myself going under.

The scenario is almost always the same. Harsh words are spoken. Not to me, not about me. That may hurt me, but it rarely makes me angry. When I get angry, nearly every time, it’s because someone hurts someone else, particularly if they hurt someone I love.

That’s been the case as long as I can remember. It was magnified when my children were born. I had the maternal instincts of a Momma bear whose cubs are threatened.

This is not a new problem. And that’s part of the problem. I never used to consider it a problem. I’ve justified and rationalized and internalized. I don’t act out when I’m angry. I rarely say anything. But inside the darkness spreads.

It happened today. I listened to the replay of a conversation and instantly I was over my head. I took a breath, took a drive, held my tongue and did a lot of praying.

It wasn’t one of those glorious moments of victory where the sun breaks through the clouds. I was weary and gulping for air by the time the truth came in and my heart was willing to extend the grace, so readily extended to me.

Today, grace prevailed. I wasn’t awash with it. I was sinking and grabbed hold and once again, it saved me.

Author: Debbie

A former counselor and public speaker, I'm grateful for many, many things - God's grace most of all!

12 thoughts on “Anger”

  1. What’s interesting to me is that after 26 years, I still have to look really closely to even tell you’re angry. I still expect to see anger in faces and I’m not so good at reading the heart.

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