My Restless Heart

Without warning, I was trapped in the book of Ecclesiastes. All was vanity. I found myself absentmindedly repeating the words again an again: “There must be more. Surely we were born for something more. More than waking in order to work, working in order to eat, eating and sleeping or order to wake and work again. More than graduating to have a career, marrying to have children so they could eventually graduate, work, marry and have children of their own.

The cycle of survival wasn’t enough. I already knew Jesus as my Lord and Savior… what more could there be? I hadn’t merely inherited my faith in God. I had searched and struggled, scrapped and clawed my way to a living walk with Him. I still sensed there was more. ~ Victoria Brooks

More. Have you felt it, too? Have you longed for more, not only when things are going wrong, but when everything is very right?

In quiet moments of prayer and meditation, and in joyful moments of worship and fellowship and blessing; even then, I carried with me the sense that there was more.

More than waking in order to work, working in order to eat, eating and sleeping or order to wake and work again. More than graduating to have a career, marrying to have children so they could eventually graduate, work, marry and have children of their own.

Like Victoria, I’d grown up with and into my faith. It was real. I wasn’t looking for a moment or an experience or a feeling. I wasn’t actively looking at all. Still, I could feel a tentative tug at the hem of my heart. Was there more?

I kept coming back to the words of Augustine.

You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.

My heart was restless. I realized that I’d confused contentment with complacency and my version of abiding was biding time until heaven.

Would it do? Yes. Was there more? Yes.

I began a journey that, by its nature, requires there be no ending this side of home. It was, and is, a journey of grace. Thank you for traveling with me.

Author: Debbie

A former counselor and public speaker, I'm grateful for many, many things - God's grace most of all!

32 thoughts on “My Restless Heart”

  1. So, I am reading these backwards – newer to older. My comment on your next post is about my heart’s yearning. There are a couple of blogs – yours included – that fill me with such a sense of peace, but at the same time make me realize how far I still have to grow. There is still so much to learn about grace and abiding. I am so glad He is patient.

    1. Drusilla –
      It’s a good thing I keep these short if you’re going to read so many at once! πŸ˜‰
      It seems to me to be just the right way to connect with each other – offering grace and peace and also encouraging each other to think and grow. Thank you for adding to my life as we learn about grace and abiding together.
      your friend,
      ~ Debbie

  2. I love the Augustine quote. I have such a desire to be resting in him! He is drawing me into himself, but I can’t get there quick enough. I am so frustrated with the frailties that still exist within my being.

    1. Jeff – Hello my Texas buddy!
      Timing. It isn’t ever quite right, is it? Remember, it takes longer to make an oak tree than a squash. You’re looking pretty oakie from here! πŸ˜‰
      ~ Debbie

  3. I read this last night on my phone and decided to zzzzzzzzzz EVEN though this is great. I love the fact that life is forever moving, and we are forever questioning. AND THAT IS GOOD, and that is what JOURNEY means. MUCH LOVE, mel

    1. Mel –
      Thank you for coming along! It’s a bit of an odd trip since I’m not particularly orderly when it comes to topics. You’ve done a great job of staying awake! πŸ˜‰
      love and peace, friend,
      ~ Debbie

  4. Oh Debbie – beautiful post
    I love, love ,love the line: our hearts are restless until they rest in you.
    Still learning how to rest in Him
    God Bless you
    susie

    1. Hello Joss!
      It is! I stalled out for a while – not backtracking – just not moving. The journey of grace isn’t always happy, but it’s always good.
      ~ Debbie

  5. Oh yes, this is wonderful as always. I have a couple confessions: honest and true, this has always been my fave blog–from the first time I came here (sometime last Sept, I guess). It was Grace that I needed from the beginning, and Grace that will see me home–and in “the middle”, that sometimes tough place, abiding in His Grace is really all there is for me–and I am both grateful and joyful to “know that I know that I know that!” My 2nd confession–I’ve lost my decoder ring, Sis, so I don’t know what you wrote in a recent comment…those letters at the end…

    By the way, the cool thing I’ve learned in the past 14 months, is that “learning–more” is no longer the scary hard thing it used to be. When God is in the lesson, we always receive a passing grade!!

    1. PS: Question regarding the photo image–is it public doman? I like it, and might want to use it unless it’s yours, or somebunny’s… Thanks, Debbie!

      1. Caddo – I took this photo at Cape Blanco State Park in Port Orford, Oregon. I’ve take all the photos on this blog except for the few special ones where you’ll see the name of my friend, Kari Box, in the tags.
        You’re most welcome to use it.
        Cape Blanco is one of my favorite spots on earth. πŸ˜€
        ~ Debbie

    2. Caddo – How can I thank you for being so encouraging and so consistent? There no questioning a friendship when you’re brought together over a discussiona about the Shekina Glory! πŸ˜€
      You and I, we’ve been alittle slow to grow into the concept of grace, but it’s a wonderful place to abide!
      love and grace and joy to you tonight, Caddo Delight!
      ~ Debbie

  6. This is so beautiful and telling of your heart for Him, gracious one. Thank you for sharing His grace with us along the way. I’m glad it doesn’t end! I was trying to explain to a dear lady from church, who was much more serious and learned than I, that Aubrey teaches me how to be more like Jesus everyday. She sighed and told me that there is always more to learn . . .in a kind of tired heavy admonishing voice. I was delighted and so glad to hear that!!! πŸ™‚
    love and prayers for your journey paved with grace! – the other deb

    1. Dearest Deb –
      You would be delighted! I love that about you!
      Tell Aub I’m trying to coax the wild Texas wind to send some beautiful bubbles her way! πŸ˜€
      grace to you and extra prayers were said today and tomorrow, just in case,
      ~ Debbie

    1. Dear Ruth – You are a wonderful traveling companion! πŸ˜€
      First page of a small e-book, maybe. What do you think?
      love and grace to you,
      ~ Debbie

      1. Great idea, Deb! An e-book. I do eventually want a coffee-table edition of Two Minutes, but an e-book is a good start. And wither thou goest, I will virtually go! πŸ™‚

      2. Ruth – πŸ˜€
        So true to your name!
        I’m looking at Collaborite – have you worked with it? It would allow for an e-book and a fairly inexpensive paperback. I’d like to talk more with you. I’ll be over.
        ~ Debbie

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