It took me fifty years to realize I was lost. No one knew I was lost – my life had all the trappings of found-ness. I was a pastor for heaven’s sake. I had spent twenty-five years in church-related ministry, and most of my days were consumed with writing or talking about Jesus. And yet I was lost, confused, soul weary, thirsty, and bone tired. I had succeeded in mimicking aliveness, but I was nearly dead.
In desperation, I picked up a book by Henri Nouwen titled In the Name of Jesus… I heard a familiar voice… It was the unmistakable voice of Jesus! He had found me! He had been hiding in the pages of Henri’s book, and my heart began to tingle with anticipation. The numbness of my soul began to dissipate , and I could sense the beginning of a wild and new way of living.
Five years ago I decided to start listening again to the voice of Jesus, and my life hasn’t been the same since. He has not been telling me what to do, He has been telling me how much He loves me. He has not corrected my behavior, He has been leading me into His arms. And he has not protected me from the danger of living, He has led me into the dangerous place of wild and terrifyingly wonder-full faith. ~ Michael Yaconelli
Michael and I were both 50 when we tripped over grace and landed at a place where conventional Christianity (as we’d known it) left us lost and weary. Michael died at age 61. He had 11 years to revel in his found-ness.
I’m 55. I may only have 6 more years, like Michael. I may just have 6 more days. That I don’t know. This I do. I’m going for the found-ness. I’m abandoning the proper, decorous Christian life of convention and correction and correctness.
I’m listening. I can finally hear that Voice telling me how much He loves me. I’m stepping off and falling into His arms. Michael was right. It’s dangerous. It’s radical. In most Christian circles, it’s wildly unpopular.
That’s grace for you. If you’re going to take it, you better be willing to dish it out. Are you ready for a wild and new way of living? I’m always looking for traveling companions.